Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I found this online and it is quite fitting. Pretty funny stuff.
What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive...
That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.
That you would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors.
That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm.
That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant.
That you have no control over some of the goals you set...
That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen.
That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.
That you wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills!!
That you would be willing to stick a little blue pill in your hoo-haa.
That you would be willing to stab yourself in the stomach with a needle every day.
That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!
That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast.
That infertility is more common than you think.
That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say.
That foreplay would consist of your husband asking "How's your cervix today"
That an HSG will tell you more than just whether or not your tubes are blocked. I had no idea your uterus could be misshaped.
That one person could be "cursed" with so many different fertility problems.
That your husband would be overly concerned that your BD positions were the most effective ones!
That you would become addicted to peeing on a stick!
That you would learn to speak in code:“I checked Cm which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, dh won't let me for fear of BFN”
That you would meet such a wonderful group of people that you can share your sorrow, frustration and fears with and not even know their last names.
That the two little words "just relax" uttered by everyone you know would infuriate you beyond belief.
That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to do.
I especially like the last one. I know what I am willing to do to have a baby... I'll move mountains if I have to!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
John is going to get her for a little while tonight to carve a pumpkin since he didn't really have her Sunday. Every year they carve a pumpkin together so I'm glad they could work in some time to keep the tradition.
Monday, October 26, 2009
On a brighter note Friday night we found out when Mom and Dad Z would be coming down to see us! They're coming Nov 7th - Nov 17th! YAY! We're so excited! Now all I need to do is scrub my entire house ceiling to floor! Any volunteers to help? haha
Saturday I went to the Alabama vs Tennessee game with Rachel. It was a nail biter! With 4 seconds left in the game we were winning 12-10 but Tennessee was in field goal territory. Here's the scenario... If they make the field goal we will lose 12-13. OMG! Imagine 90,000 people screaming as loud as they can! We take a time out to ice the kicker. The anticipation is killing us! More screaming. The kicker sets up, ball is placed, he kicks, ball is up..... it's blocked!!! It's blocked!!! Somehow 350 lb. "Mount" Cody broke through the line, flung himself in the air and blocked the kick! We win!
While all of that was happening... Tristan and John were at softball. Tristan's team won the first two games easily but then lost the third. Sunday they had another game and fell to the same team. Tristan wanted to stay and watch the rest of the tournament with her friends so John and I went home. Actually... I went to meet my friend Gloria (a.k.a. G-slo) and her boyfriend, Matt, for lunch who were in town this weekend from Houston, TX. It was so good seeing them! Maybe there will be wedding bells so I can see them again soon!
Friday, October 23, 2009
I have often wondered what Heaven will be like. Now I know it will have to include these!
I called yesterday to make an appt with my rheumatologist. It usually takes several months to get in with him but he had a cancellation for today at 2pm so I took it. I'm supposed to see him every 6 months to assess the Lupus but I haven't seen him in well over a year now. I think I'm going to be in trouble. But it's so hard to make appts with other doctors when I have to make so many for infertility! Also, I'm a very healthy sick person... at least that's what he says. I'm the healthiest sick person he's ever seen. So it's hard to make appts for things that aren't even bothering me. I know they need to monitor me from time to time so I'm going... I'm going!
John talked to his parents this week and we're trying to get them to come down here in Nov or Dec! YAY! Canadian followers - Please urge them to come and see us! We miss them!
We get Tristan this weekend! She has a tournament on Saturday and Sunday so it looks like most of the weekend will be at the ball field. However, tomorrow I'm going to the Alabama game. My fabulous friend, Rachel, has an extra ticket so I'll be cheering on the Tide for a victory over Tennessee! Then I'll cheer on Tristan and the Vipers on Sunday! Sounds like I'm going to do a lot of cheering this weekend! :)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Please keep Jessica's daughter (my lovely goddaughter) Emma in your prayers. She had tubes put in her ears this morning which I know is quite routine but it's always nerve wracking when it's your little sweetheart! Jess said that she's done and seems to be doing well.
I finally went to the doctor this morning about my wrist. Since I have to go to appts so often for my fertility issues I have been letting all of the other doctor's visits slip. I still need a crown because I cracked my tooth, I haven't been to my rheumatologist in over a year and I needed to see a doctor about my possible carpal tunnel. Check the carpal tunnel doc off the list! Canadian followers - Employers here take out worker's compensation insurance for employees who are hurt on the job. I'm not sure if Canada does this since you get free healthcare. I've never used w/c before but my office wanted me to use it instead of using my health insurance. So I went to the company appointed doctor this morning. It was weird! The bottom line is that I need a nerve study. Since my work wanted me to do it through W/C there are all of these conditions that have to be met. He also thinks the carpal tunnel could be due to the lupus and not work related. I told him that I didn't care if it was work related or if I needed to go through my insurance or whatever! Just give me some exercises or stretches to make it better! He said he would have to call my work and see what they think and that I need to see my rheumatologist for a second opinion and blah, blah, blah. Ridiculous! I didn't realize this was going to be so difficult. Not to mention that my skeeze-o-meter was off the chart! The doctor was a super close talker and just gave off this weird vibe. Also, he said I seem like a very nice "woman" and that he hopes he will be able to work with me. Those words may not sound bad but it was the way he said them. The emphasis was on the word "woman" which most southerners wouldn't say. They would say lady. And he was all up in my face and talking in a trying-to-be seductive tone with his hand on my knee. eeeewwww! My skeeze-o-meter is almost always right.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
A couple of important things happened this weekend. First, on Friday night John met Ben, Tristan's boyfriend. Tristan went to the Hoover vs Vestavia game with a lot of her friends and John decided to go with a friend of his while I was at dinner with the girls. When Tristan saw him there he said she made the "OMG why is my dad here" face. She was sitting beside Ben so John walked up to talk to them. John said that Ben stood up and shook his hand and seemed really, really nervous. What a milestone... John met the first of most likely many, many boyfriends to come.
Saturday the Alabama Crimson Tide welcomed the #22 ranked University of South Carolina for Homecoming. My fabulous friend Rachel gave us tickets to the game. We were a little nervous that we would freeze during the game so we made sure to layer well. John only had on a pair of jeans so I suggested he put on some thermals. He said he didn't have any so I found a pair of stretchy tights that he wore. If only I could have snuck a quick picture... let's just say it's a good thing we're not trying to make a baby this month. Those were some skin tight pants! When we got to our seats we were pleasantly surprised that the wind was blocked in our area so it turned out to be a pretty nice game!
Before the game. I have on 4 layers of clothes!
The band getting us fired up for the game!
Saban and the boys heading toward the field!
During the game when it was a little colder!
Final score: Alabama 20 South Carolina 6
Today was a little less eventful. I made a big pot of soup and cleaned while John had a soccer game. After that we went to a movie.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Since I will be unable to talk about fertility related news for the next few weeks you'll have to settle for updates on our day to day activities. John and I are sometimes quite boring so I may not write every day but I'll fill you in with some highlights. As promised in a previous post, the below is a picture of the artwork I made. It's just two small canvases covered in scrapbook paper on each side of the china cabinet. I didn't get the gold pen yet to trace the outlines of the designs so try to imagine that in the finished product.
Please keep my Great Aunt Ann in your prayers. She had an 80% blockage in her heart but is on the road to recovery now.
Finally, John and I are going to the Alabama Homecoming game Saturday night. Exciting! I'll post some pictures this weekend! Roll Tide!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
There is always a bright side and this one is that I don't have to take shots this month! No pills, no shots, no little green tablets that have to go in unmentionable places, no doctor's appts, no blood work... just me and the hubs trying the old fashioned way. WEIRD!
Also worth mentioning... I had a backbone today! Casey, the NP I had today, was desperately trying to take my blood. This was our conversation: Casey: "We should probably get some blood today to..." Me: interrupting "ummmm. I don't think so." Casey: "But with your history it would be better if we..." Me: "ummm. no:" Casey: "But I really think..." Me: "What will it determine if you take blood today? IF the blood work is good would I be able to do injectables?" Casey: "No" Me: "If the blood work is bad would you do anything differently than what we're doing now?" Casey: "no" Me: "Then why should I be subjected to torture and risk having bad blood work that could eliminate me from the IVF program?" Casey: "Fine. No blood work" YAY ME! No blood work!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Update on my friend Kathleen - She had her second u/s today at 7 weeks and everything looks great. That is one perk of being fertility challenged. Once you do finally get pregnant you get an u/s once a week until you're 12 weeks and released to the OB. Very nice! I can't imagine being you normal people who have to wait until 10 or 11 weeks to get the first one and only get one or two the ENTIRE pregnancy!
I finally broke down this morning and am taking another antibiotic. I still have a headache which I thought may have been from my hormones but now I believe may be my sinuses. Also, I'm still coughing up some yucky looking stuff. Hopefully this second round will finally do the trick! I have my baseline appt tomorrow morning so I'll let you know how it goes.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My head has been hurting for the past two days and I can't seem to shake it. I guess it's due to my hormones since I stopped taking the progesterone. Mother Nature did come knocking this morning so I made my baseline appointment for Thursday to see if I have cysts. I'm thinking one more injectable cycle, a natural (break) cycle and then IVF. Or if I have cysts then a natural cycle this time, injectable cycle then IVF. I'm going to talk with NP Thursday about all of my options. IVF just seems so final. That's the last step... the Hail Mary pass. If we try IVF and she says my eggs are bad then it's over. There's nothing else to try.
Alabama Football update - We leapfrogged Texas in the polls which makes us #2 in the nation after our 22-3 victory over Ole Miss Saturday! Woop! Woop! How familiar it is for Florida and Alabama to be ranking #1 and #2! Hopefully this year will have a better outcome! This Saturday is Homecoming where we welcome a very good South Carolina team. RTR!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tristan left yesterday at 3 to go see her Nana but John is supposed to get her back at around noon. It's Columbus Day so she's out of school and he's off work. I am not so lucky! He's planning to take her bowling and out to eat as her reward for all A's. She's still on the not eating anything I make kick so I didn't make the fondue. She also doesn't like to shop so I couldn't buy her a new outfit which was my backup plan. Maybe in another year or so she'll grow into the shopping.
Yesterday we were watching America's Next Top Model and Tristan started trying to do a runway walk. It was really funny. So I got up and tried to teach her how to swing those hips and even John get in on the action. I took some video of them strutting their stuff but John said he would beat me if I posted it. Maybe I can sneak it on later.... so funny!
Hope everyone is doing well! Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian family!
Friday, October 9, 2009
BTW - John has stayed strong. I normally would have started testing this morning but I didn't! One day down just a few more to go!!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Just try to think about all of us out there doing the same thing as you in the morning: trying to hold our negative tests up to all kinds of light sources for 30 minutes, putting them down by the sink, walking out of the room, running back in with our glasses on this time and picking it up again to hold it by the window for natural light. then standing there contemplating tearing the test apart to see what's inside and eyeing the trash can to dig out yesterday's test for comparison. OMG - What is wrong with me?
Did she read my blog? It's like she has a video camera in my bathroom! It's nice to know I'm not the only crazy person out there. I do have a little more justification for testing early than most people though. I am supposed to start Lovenox injections as soon as I get a positive test. The sooner the better to prevent another miscarriage. So now I'm sitting here freaking myself out because what if I wait until the day of my blood test and it is positive? Then what if I miscarry? I know I'll blame myself for not testing early so I could start the injections as soon as possible! SEE - I told you I would start rationalizing some reason why I have to test early! What to do.... What to do! We'll see if John stays strong and if he does if I can keep from sneaking to the store to buy a test!
Here's a pic of Tristan with her new 12U Vipers Softball time. She has played with several of these girls for three or four years but a couple of them are new. They have not been able to play much ball this fall due to the endless raining and illnesses. I think their tournament this weekend may be rained out too. This picture is of their only real tournament where they came in 2nd place! Of course it happened while we were in Cancun...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
As for my sinus infection, I think it may finally be trying to clear up. I don't sound quite as sickly today and my head doesn't hurt as much. Hope you guys are all doing well!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
I mentioned my soulcysters on a post last month. There are about 12 of us who keep up with each other and give support. Kathleen is one of the ladies. She has had a terrible time. She got pregnant with twins in April and lost one due to vanishing twin syndrome at 6 weeks and the other due to parvo infection at 13 weeks. I can't even imagine! Below is how Kathleen's cycle went last month. She's a true inspiration after all of the ups and downs.
Had another follie check today. Right ovary: 14, 11, 11; Left ovary: 16, 11. So this is good. It looks like I have 2 follies maturing. I'm good with that. I'd prefer 3, but 2 is juuuust fiiiine! I'm actually allowing myself to feel optimistic about this cycle. Normally I'm pessimistic the whole time to prepare myself for disappointment, but this time I'm gonna go ahead and allow myself to have hope!
I am so angry with myself right now. Yesterday, I had a 14, a 16, and 2 11's. Today, after not having enough medicine last night due to my own stupidity, I have an 11, a 12, and a 19. So, I'm ready to go, but with only ONE follicle. I'm so annoyed and upset. It seems like whenever I allow myself to be optimistic, it gets thrown back in my face. I finally felt optimistic about my pregnancy when I heard the baby's heart at home with my doppler around 12.5 weeks. I actually told myself "Stop worrying, Kathleen. You WILL have this baby." Two days later, I had my NT scan and found out he would most likely die, and four days after that I found out that he was dead. I feel like I'm never going to have a baby, and by feeling optimistic I'm just setting myself up to be heartbroken, once again. As if that wasn't bad enough, these cycles are coming out costing us close to $1000 each in copays, medicine, and IUIs, and that's WITH insurance. Eventually - no, SOON - we're going to run out of money. Words cannot even begin to express how much I hate this process, how much I hate that we have to PAY to get pregnant, how much I hate the constant roller coaster of emotions.
Hi girls. Just got my 3dpo progesterone test results. Only 6.5. Better than last cycle (which was 4.5, I believe), but not terribly high either.
Well, ladies, I'm home from vacation. It was a wonderful getaway: perfect weather, peace and solitude, and plenty of relaxation. I could feel the stress and anxiety melt away as soon as we got there. Oh yeah. And I'm pregnant!!!!!!
I cried-no sobbed-tears of joy, with my body shaking, for a good 15 minutes when that "Pregnant" came up. I was flooded with so many emotions.
Hopefully I will have a story like this to tell soon!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
And - Lexi is doing better too. No tummy issues since yesterday afternoon.
A random note: Over the past year I have been making myself eat certain food items so that I will start liking them. It has worked with grapes, mushrooms, blueberries and bananas. I actually crave grapes now. My latest endeavor is hot tea. I don't like any kind of tea... hot, cold, iced... none. When we visit Mom Z in Canada she is always drinking hot tea and seems to really enjoy it. Since I'm always cold it seems like it would be a nice, warm, soothing beverage for the afternoon. Also there have been a lot of positive studies about tea and how good it is for you. So I've tried two of the blends that are in my office. One is an Earl Grey and the other is a black tea with orange essence. I've tried both of these teas with every combination of lemon, sugar, cream and honey. So far the Black tea with lemon and honey is the best combo. Today I'm trying Green Tea with Jasmine. Too bad we're out of honey so I'll have to switch to lemon and sugar. I've been working on this every day for about two weeks and so far I'm not liking it anymore than when I started. Maybe there are some things you just can't make yourself like or maybe I just haven't given it enough time. Also, yesterday I learned the hard way that hot tea is not the best beverage choice to spill in your lap. I knocked over my cup in one of my coughing attacks and spilled it into my lap and all over my keyboard. Now my keys stick together and my pants are at the drycleaners....