Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A Day For Me

I've been down. I have. I tried not to be but I couldn't shake it. Then I would feel ridiculously guilty for being depressed because even though I am jobless and babyless right now I have a wonderful life. I could have been born with a disability or in a 3rd world country where I would have to walk miles for clean water and food. But I wasn't. Who am I to feel sad about my life? I was chatting with a friend yesterday who is also feeling a bit down. We were sharing our woes. As I was typing "Well at least you have a reason to feel down" I saw it pop up on my screen. She was feeling the exact same way I was... guilty for being down when we have such blessed lives. Why can we have so much compassion for others but not for ourselves? That's when I thought about what REALLY happened over the past month. The ups, the downs, the hormones, the sicknesses, the frozen embryos, the birthday, the emotions... no wonder I'm not myself!

The past month has been the wildest roller coaster of my life! It started with a sinus infection (aka - face explosion), then we added an obscene amount of hormones to the mix, then a sudden stoppage of the hormones and a surgery to remove the eggs, then emotions as we learned that I do have an egg quality issue, then a crippling infection, then we learned we created life but they're going to have to be frozen, then nausea.... oh the nausea! Whoa! That is a lot of stuff for one month! I can't believe I survived it! But I did! And today with the arrival of Mother Nature, a new month has began. My hormones are leveling out, I'm off all antibiotics as of tonight, the nausea has subsided and I'm starting to feel like myself again. So today I am going to have a me day. I'm going shopping with my birthday money and treating my hubby to dinner.

You see I finally mentioned the hubby.... There are a lot of "I"s in the above paragraph! He's been so good to me over the last month. I feel like I have taken and taken from him with nothing to give in return. So today is for me but one day soon will be for him! Maybe one day this weekend... anyone have any great ideas for spoiling a deserving husband???

1 comment:

  1. Oh girl I know this is so hard. I think you are doing a great job and I think this blog helps you. Back in the day of me going thru this we did not have anything like this. Everything you are feeling is normal and just take one day at at time.
    Poor John hurting that pretty face. I hope it heals up fast. I am sure anything you decide to do he will love it. Hugs hugs hugs your way!!


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