Friday, July 30, 2010

Are You Kidding Me?

Well today's appointment was eventful. My lining was supposed to be >8mm to be cleared for the transfer. My lining was..... 4mm. 4mm! Seriously? I wasn't even close! Not only that but she checked my ovaries to make sure I didn't have any follicles trying to ovulate. Can you guess what she found??? A follicle on the RIGHT side. So my body is trying ovulate on the right side this month! Are you kidding me?? Unbelievable! That actually is good news though. They doubled up my estrogen but still say it will take at least a week for my lining to get thick enough and in that time I hopefully won't ovulate. BUT if I do ovulate, at least it will be on the right side! So even if I can't do the transfer I'll have a chance at pregnancy. I call that a win!

Next appt: Aug 11th at 7:30am

*For my new readers or readers who may have forgotten: I only have a tube on the right side but always ovulate on the left side. Hence the IVF.

xxoo

Heads Up

I just want to give everyone some warning that my appt might not go so well this morning. Without going into detail, I've been having some issues with my lady business since the HSG. So I'm super nervous about them canceling this cycle today! I know you guys get emotionally invested in my cycles so I wanted to brace you in case my appt goes badly.

I'll update at around noon! Fingers crossed!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Close Call

The Body Attack soreness wasn't too bad yesterday and today. Mostly just my calves and the sides of my abs. Phew! Maybe I'm in a little better shape than I thought. Although, I did opt for the easier moves when they were offered during the class. Maybe that had something to do with it. :)

Fertility News: Nothing much to report. I'm just taking estrogen and waiting for my appt on Friday. The estrogen is making me retain water and look really bloated which I am none to thrilled about... but I'll survive.

Close Call Story: I was driving to work this morning and was almost T-boned by a truck. I work downtown and as I was approaching a very GREEN traffic light, a truck went flying through the intersection. He was on his phone and totally unaware that he just flew through a red light. If I had been one second sooner he would have ran right into my driver's side door. The Lord was watching over me this morning but I still can't help but think how life can change in an instant! I could have been seriously injured (or worse) but ONE second saved me! Amazing. I'll be giving my hubs and Lexi a few extra kisses tonight.

xxoo

Monday, July 26, 2010

Body Attack

First I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers about my HSG. It went well and didn't hurt nearly as bad as last time! Next specific prayer for my Prayer Warriors (your new nickname) is a thick lining on Friday. If it's thick and triple layer then I'll definitely transfer 8/5!

Now on to the title of this post... Body Attack! I've been trying to eat right and exercise to keep my body in top form. Today I went with a coworker to a Body Attack class at the YMCA. I mentioned that I've been working out during lunch but that usually only entails about 15 min of low impact cardio and 5-10 min of weight lifting. Body Attack was 55 straight minutes of jumping, running, tightening and crunching! I thought I was going to die!! When I told my sister I took the class she said, "You don't just decide to go to Body Attack! You're supposed to work up to it!" Well there's nothing like diving into the deep end! Now that my whole body has been tortured I'm hitting the showers and off to bed! Maybe I'll be able to move in the morning. Fingers crossed!

xxoo

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Greek Wedding

I finally experienced my first Greek wedding this weekend! The singing, the chanting, the crowns, the dancing... it was all fascinating! The food was some of the best wedding food I've ever eaten! The rehearsal dinner and reception were catered by The Fish Market which is owned by a local Greek family. I told John we need to have a Greek wedding for our 10 year anniversary! To our Greek family: John and I said a couple of vows while in the church so we are sort of married until our 10 Year Shindig! We're pretty pooped after partying for two nights in a row but it was definitely a fun weekend!

Today we're grilling out steak and veggies and going to see a movie. It's a date day!

Fertility News: I received a call from the IVF nurse Friday saying that I need to have another HSG before the transfer. This is an outpatient procedure that flushes dye through the uterus and tubes. I've already had it done twice but not since the infection. She's nervous that there might be some infection fluid trapped in my tube which would be lethal to the embryos. This is the most painful procedure in all of my three years of trying but I'll do everything I can for these babies. I'm scheduled to be at Brookwood Hospital tomorrow morning at 7:15am.

xxoo

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Firm Retreat

My office had a firm retreat today. We all met at our CEO's lake house for some team building. His house was GORGEOUS! I could only dream of such a nice main house but this was his LAKE house! Crazy! The retreat was a great way to get to know people better and show off our competitive spirits. We had a catapult making contest and my team came in next to last. Those who know me know that this did NOT sit well with me. But I was a good sport. It was about 6,482 degrees outside so most of the people (including myself) didn't stick around after the competition to fish. I was sweating through my shirt after only being out there 30 minutes for the contest! He's also throwing a firm lake party on Aug 14th so the hunt is on to find a one piece swim suit. Any suggestions?

I'll finish off my fun day with the Supper Club girls at Heather's tonight. I can't wait to try some new recipes!

Fertility News: I received my FET calendar in the mail today! It shows a transfer date of Aug 5th so that's the day unless something bad happens at my appt next Friday... I also wanted to explain something about the snowbabies. There's about a 60-70 % chance that they'll both survive the thawing process. So there is a very real risk that one or both of the snowbabies may not survive. That will dictate how many I can transfer.
I told the three women I feel closest to in my office about the IVF. I've never been secretive about it but I don't want it to define me either. Well during lunch today one of them outed me in front of our whole table (about 5 other girls.) I couldn't believe it! She didn't know that I'm cool with talking about my struggles. For all she knew I could have been super emotional and started crying on the spot! But she is also the one who offered the "helpful" suggestion that I hold a baby for 48 straight hours. You know, because David Bowie's wife did it and it worked for her... problem solved.

Side note: I just noticed that the numbers I used for the degrees above (6,482) are all even numbers. My obsession with even numbers continues!

xxoo

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Beach Trip Pictures

I'm so glad that we got this one last stress-free weekend before we got yesterday's big news. If this transfer works then this will have been our last beach trip without a child (in my belly or in a crib.)
Here we are in front of Reggae Jay's at Pier Park.

On the top floor at Reggae Jay's.

Tristan and some friends singing Karaoke!

Tristan and Lilly playing in the water.


John frolicking in the ocean.

We were surprised with fireworks on our last night.

The view from our balcony.


Monday, July 19, 2010

Long Awaited News

Finally! I have some news!!! I talked to the nurse today and she said my bloodwork was normal!! We're on for the transfer! I can't believe it! Almost three months after fertilization I'll finally get to implant my babies!

I start estrogen tonight and go in for an u/s on July 30th. If the u/s is good then I'll start progesterone on the 31st and five days later they'll transfer. After that... praying and waiting for two weeks.

Thank you for all of the prayers and continued support. I hope you'll keep them coming!

xxoo

Sunday, July 18, 2010

And We're Back

We had a wonderful time at the beach this weekend!! Unfortunately Tristan's team lost their first game on Thursday while we were on our way to Panama City. So we didn't even get to see her play a game. Instead we went down and played with her a while on the beach. After that Tristan really wanted to hang with her friends so the rest of the weekend was a romantic getaway. We played in the beautiful water, ate a lot and got some much needed rest!

I'll post more pictures this week but here's a little taste of the beautiful beaches. I urge you not to cancel your beach vacations due to the oil spill! The gulf coast needs our support AND THE BEACHES WERE CLEAN! Gorgeous!
Now it's time to get back to the real world... work and waiting to hear the results from my bloodwork. I should get a call tomorrow or Tuesday letting us know if we're able to transfer this month! I'm nervous but mostly excited!

xxoo

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

PCB or Bust!

The waiting is ALMOST over. I had my u/s and bloodwork done bright and early this morning. The u/s went well but the I wish I could say the same for the blood. SIX STICKS!! SIX!! The first lady stuck and dug twice. She then brought in a second lady who stuck and dug twice. The second lady made me drink a bottle of water before the third lady came in to try. The third lady blew a vein in my hand but then finally got a vein in my forearm! TERRIBLE! I won't get the results from the bloodwork until Monday or Tuesday. We're hoping and praying for a negative CA-125 result. If so, I'll start estrogen and hopefully transfer at the end of the month. Exciting!

You know what else is exciting?!? Another 4 day weekend!! John and I are leaving at 6 am tomorrow heading to Panama City Beach! I can't wait to sit out on the oceanfront balcony with my hubs! We're going down primarily for Tristan's softball tournament that started Monday. Their team has been doing well so far but they did lose a game today. If they lose another game they're out so I don't know how much softball we'll be seeing. I'm sure we'll find something else to occupy our time.

xxoo

Monday, July 12, 2010

Clarification

First, let me address my dear friends who are desperately trying to remember if they said any of the things I've mentioned in my last few posts. The truth is I don't really remember. Because even if you did, it didn't upset me. My TRUE friends can say anything because I know it is coming from a good place. The problem is with new people and acquaintances. The women at baby showers particularly! I do not blame these women though. It's only normal to ask the new ladies you meet if they want children. It's the easiest way to strike up a conversation. That's why we Infertiles dislike baby showers so much. It's not because we don't like talking and thinking about babies. We can be happy for other women and their miracles. We just have to endure countless questions and awkward conversations.

Second, I have a picture of my Nana from Saturday. Can you believe this lovely lady is 85?

Last but not least... I got to baby sit Emma tonight! We had a great time chasing Lexi and giving kisses to each other. Happy Anniversary to Josh and Jess! They've been together 7 years today!

xxoo

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Educational Post #2

Since my last educational post was received so well I decided to try another. This post is a prequel to the last. It's regarding the question that may have led to the Infertility Bomb being dropped on you. It's the question that closet Infertiles dread! When are you having a baby?

Many fertiles throw this question around as if everyone has a choice in the matter. Since I'm out of the closet I'm not asked very often but it does sting when I occasionally get it. In the beginning I would say, "Maybe not too long." Then, as I started telling people about my issues, it became, "hopefully sooner rather than later." To which I would get some confused looks. But now I'm just totally honest and say, "Whenever God thinks I'm ready."

Most of the time this question doesn't bother me too much. I try to stay strong and positive about my situation. Although, I do have my bad days too. I have my moments where I want to scream, kick and cry. In those emotionally raw moments this question cuts like a knife.

So how should you ask this question. I can't answer for all Infertiles but only for myself. I think the best way to ask is, "Would you like to have children?" I can honestly answer yes without having to divulge my three year medical history. Also, I'm sure that the ladies who have decided not to have children would prefer this question as well. "When are you guys having a baby?" just assumes that every woman in the world wants children.

My final bit of advice is about something that most people don't do but it has happened to me a time or two... don't attack older women who say they want children but haven't started trying yet. You are not alerting them to anything new! They know their time is running out. Maybe she has started trying but doesn't want to come out as infertile yet. OR - maybe she knows about the dangers of waiting but is willing to take that risk. OR - maybe she has decided she doesn't want children but she's afraid you'll go into a 20 minute sales pitch about how great kids are if she tells you that. The comment I received wasn't malicious but almost in a joking manner. I told the person we would probably start trying soon and she responded, "Well you better get on it before you run out of time!" I wanted to say, "First, I'm trying but didn't want to tell you. Second, thanks for telling me I'm old. Third, thanks for reminding me that I may run out of time and never be able to have a child." Of course, I refrained. :)

I hope I'm not coming off as abrasive or gruff. I know that most people mean well when they strike up a baby conversation. And by no means do I expect women to stop talking about babies, having babies, or wanting babies when I'm around.... actually that's a topic for a whole other post.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful Nana!!
xxoo

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Taste Of Normal

I had a taste of normal today. I was at work and thought... When was the last time I had my period? hmmmm. I was in Canada and I think it was Sunday so that would be... June 6th. Technically that makes me 4 days late. I had no idea! I'm one of "those people"! I haven't been one of "those people" in over 3 years! I know that it's due to the Lupron but it still felt weird to not worry or even think about what day of my cycle it is! I did take a test JUST IN CASE. Of course, it was negative but it was nice to pee on a stick again! I guess I'm gearing up to get back in to the process!

xxoo

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What To Say To An Infertile

Setting the scene: You're at a baby shower and you turn to friend A and ask, "When are you guys going to have a baby." Friend A gives you a weary look and blindsides you with the Infertility Bomb. What do you say? In my experience most people say the wrong thing. That's why I feel compelled to educate as many people as possible about inappropriate and appropriate comments.

We Infertiles know that most inappropriate comments usually come from a good place. I'm sure that even I'm guilty of some of these inappropriate comments myself, pre-infertility of course.

First, let's start with the most obvious. The comment that invokes Fury from the depths of our souls... under NO circumstances should you utter the word RELAX... or any variation of the word. I know you have heard many stories of women who relaxed... stopped stressing... didn't think about it... and got pregnant. For most Infertiles relaxing does not make a baby. We have actual medical problems that cause our infertility. Also, I'm sure you have been really stressed about something and then someone told you to "relax". Did you relax? I'm thinking not.

The second inappropriate comment is a bit trickier. For newer Infertiles this offense is not as bad as it is for a veteran Infertile such as myself. -Please try to refrain from giving us medical advice. Do you know how many times I've been asked, "Have you tried an ovulation predictor?" Just once I want to say, "Oh my gosh! My team of highly skilled Reproductive Endocrinoglists never thought of that!" I do still welcome a suggestion of an herb or vitamin that might increase fertility but I guess that's because my doctors don't give me recommendations for those. Try to think of it this way... If I told you I was diabetic would you say, "Have you tried insulin? I've heard it's helpful." No because you would assume my doctors would have gone over that with me.

The third inappropriate comment is more about the way it is delivered rather than the actual comment. When an Infertile confides in you, try not to immediately tell her about your friend's cousin who went through the same thing. The problem here is that it seems like you are trying to disregard our issues. As if you are saying, "Well this random person I heard about got pregnant after having issues so I'm sure you will too. Problem solved." Ummm. Problem NOT solved. Just because someone else got pregnant after trying for three years doesn't mean that I will. But like I mentioned, it's all about the delivery. I am encouraged by success stories and I welcome them... just don't try to offer them as a solution. Encouragement only.

I know that it can be awkward for you Fertile Myrtles out there so here are a few suggestions of appropriate comments: "I am so sorry. I will pray for you." OR "I had no idea you were going through such a struggle. Is there anything I can do to help?" OR "I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to." It's that simple. You can also ask some questions, if you like, and gauge by her reaction how far to dive into her personal issues. The most important thing is to be sincere and thoughtful of her emotions.

I hope this helps the next time you meet one of my fellow Infertiles.

xxoo

One Week

One week until my blood test to see if I can transfer this month!! Yay! I'm trying to eat better and take my vitamins every day. Also, I've been working out during lunch. I generally dislike working out but I have started really enjoying my lunchtime workout sessions. It helps to break up my day! The finale will be a cleansing diet on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. That means no processed foods, milk, sugar or flour. Sounds wonderful right?

John joined a men's softball team so Monday night Tristan and I went to watch him play. He was great! He was so cute b/c after his first time batting he called Tristan over to ask what he was doing wrong. I think it made her feel special. So cute.

xxoo

Friday, July 2, 2010

3 Year Anniversary

This month marks our 3 year anniversary with infertility. It's hard to imagine that if I had gotten pregnant in July 2007 that we would have a 2 year, 3 month old child right now! I get so angry sometimes about my life being in a perpetual state of waiting. I'm waiting for my life to begin... my life with our child. But looking back, I realize life never stopped. While the last three years have produced some of the saddest, most gut wrenching moments in my life, I have also had great joy. I have lived, I have survived and I have thrived!

I certainly hope that we don't make it to the next anniversary but I am thankful for some things that infertility has given me. If we had gotten pregnant right away, we wouldn't have the pupster - Lexi, we wouldn't have bought our new house in Nov 2007, I probably wouldn't have my Supper Club girls, I probably wouldn't have left KPMG so soon which means I wouldn't have started at Harbert... I would have had a completely different path! It is true that I would give all of this up for a precious child of my own - Sorry Supper Club girls and Harbert Ladies. However, if this transfer works, I will have gotten all of the above blessings AND a child. I choose to believe that God wanted me on this path which is why He hasn't granted my miracle... yet. Hopefully my path turns next month toward a child but even if it doesn't, I'll be ok. I'll know that God still has a few more blessings in store for us before He gives us the ultimate blessing!

xxoo

Thursday, July 1, 2010

4 Day Weekend!

Oh how I love a 4 day weekend!!! I'm off tomorrow for my "compressed work week" and off Monday for the 4th of July! John's not off tomorrow so I'm planning to clean this filthy house. I think it's time to revisit my list of demands for taking a full time job. I'm almost certain one of them was for a monthly maid...

We don't have much planned for the rest of the weekend, which is good. It's nice to have some down time.

I'm off to dinner with my KPMG girls (minus Jess who's visiting her parents). I guess they took the hint! LL is driving down from Red Bay as I'm typing. I haven't seen her in soooo long! I'm excited but don't know what I'll eat due to these massive ulcers. I'm sure I'll find something. The only way I've been able to eat anything lately is by spraying my mouth with a throat spray to numb them. I don't think I can bust out the throat spray at dinner though! Wouldn't that be a hoot! Well... better go!

xxoo

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