Since my last educational post was received so well I decided to try another. This post is a prequel to the last. It's regarding the question that may have led to the Infertility Bomb being dropped on you. It's the question that closet Infertiles dread! When are you having a baby?
Many fertiles throw this question around as if everyone has a choice in the matter. Since I'm out of the closet I'm not asked very often but it does sting when I occasionally get it. In the beginning I would say, "Maybe not too long." Then, as I started telling people about my issues, it became, "hopefully sooner rather than later." To which I would get some confused looks. But now I'm just totally honest and say, "Whenever God thinks I'm ready."
Most of the time this question doesn't bother me too much. I try to stay strong and positive about my situation. Although, I do have my bad days too. I have my moments where I want to scream, kick and cry. In those emotionally raw moments this question cuts like a knife.
So how should you ask this question. I can't answer for all Infertiles but only for myself. I think the best way to ask is, "Would you like to have children?" I can honestly answer yes without having to divulge my three year medical history. Also, I'm sure that the ladies who have decided not to have children would prefer this question as well. "When are you guys having a baby?" just assumes that every woman in the world wants children.
My final bit of advice is about something that most people don't do but it has happened to me a time or two... don't attack older women who say they want children but haven't started trying yet. You are not alerting them to anything new! They know their time is running out. Maybe she has started trying but doesn't want to come out as infertile yet. OR - maybe she knows about the dangers of waiting but is willing to take that risk. OR - maybe she has decided she doesn't want children but she's afraid you'll go into a 20 minute sales pitch about how great kids are if she tells you that. The comment I received wasn't malicious but almost in a joking manner. I told the person we would probably start trying soon and she responded, "Well you better get on it before you run out of time!" I wanted to say, "First, I'm trying but didn't want to tell you. Second, thanks for telling me I'm old. Third, thanks for reminding me that I may run out of time and never be able to have a child." Of course, I refrained. :)
I hope I'm not coming off as abrasive or gruff. I know that most people mean well when they strike up a baby conversation. And by no means do I expect women to stop talking about babies, having babies, or wanting babies when I'm around.... actually that's a topic for a whole other post.
Happy Birthday to my beautiful Nana!!