Tuesday, August 31, 2010
John made me call the nurse yesterday due to my nasty bruise and my cramps and spotting. She said I could stop the PIO shots and do the vaginal progesterone cream. I normally would not be excited to have to put something in my girlie parts twice a day but I am SO thankful to be done with those terrible shots. John is very upset about it and wants me to still take them. He said they're the best for the babies and I should tough it out. How about I give him one of them and see how he feels!!! He's not the one limping around and flinching every time he sits down!
2 days until beta!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
We did the shot in the left cheek last night and it was so much better. Only a small bruise about the size of a quarter appeared. So I don't think I'm allergic to the PIO or it would be doing this on both sides. I think my right cheek is just fed up with it! We're going to do the left side again tonight and hopefully it won't hurt too much going on the same side two nights in a row.
My hope is starting to dwindle a bit. I'm trying so hard to stay positive but that pesky 35% success rate keeps creeping into my brain.
I'm not really having any symptoms but it's a little early for that. Last night and the night before last I got up twice to tinkle but I think that may be due to being nervous and not sleeping as well. I'm also nauseous from time to time but that can be a side effect of the hormones so I'm not counting that... sigh. I guess there's no way to tell until Thursday.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The picture quality is terrible on purpose. I want to post this picture so other PIO users can see what my bruise looks like but I don't want it to show too much... if you know what I mean. I scoured the internet trying to find anything on PIO shots and bruising. Lots of women have said they bruised but there were no pictures to see if mine looked like theirs. Hopefully my post will help out someone in the future if they experience this problem. The one thing I did find is that I should probably do a vaginal progesterone (which I already had thankfully) because the PIO may not be absorbing into the muscle properly.
SO - Due to my issues with the PIO I have decided to have my beta (pregnancy blood test) on Thursday. I was putting it off because I was too scared of the outcome but I just can't keep doing these shots if there's no reason to do them. So scary - 4 days!!
As for the rest of my body (minus my bum) I'm doing pretty well. I've been reading the book "The Noticer" that a friend of mine from my old job gave me. It has really helped with my worrying. It taught me a method to divert my brain from worry to thankfulness. I was skeptical at first but it has helped so much.
Here's a typical scenario of my thoughts:
Groping myself I think "Oh no! My BBs aren't as sore as they were yesterday! And I haven't felt nauseous today! OMG! It didn't work! What if it didn't work! What if I went through all of this for nothing! What will I do! STOP!!! I'm thankful for my husband. I'm thankful for my pupsicle. I'm thankful for my friends and family. I'm thankful I have food to eat." I will continue to list everything I am thankful for until the panic passes. I do this around 6,582 times a day! haha! Sometimes I have to get creative about what I list because it takes a little longer for the panic to pass. I have been thankful for toilet paper and electricity and pillows... haha. It truly makes me feel better though.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Also, as many of you know, I'm a pee-on-a-stickaholic. Or at least I WAS... I've been scared straight! Lots of people are telling me that I could test positive as early as tomorrow. Normally this would send me blazing to the drug store for some tests but this time is different for two reasons:
1. Fear. I could almost hyperventilate right now just thinking about taking a test and it being negative. I could try to prepare myself with thoughts that it's still really early and it doesn't mean that it definitely didn't work. But I know as soon as I saw that stark white space where a line should be that I would be devastated. No matter how much I prepared myself. So I want to wait until I'm absolutely certain that if it's negative.... it's negative. I can start grieving and not be in limbo.
2. Selfishness. In my mind I am pregnant until proven otherwise. I know that technically my doctor would say that I'm not pregnant until I get a positive test but in my mind I'm pregnant. I rub my belly and talk to the babies. I ask John to do things that the babies want no less than 100 times per day. I'll say that the babies want some ice cream or the babies need a hug. And he happily jumps to their every need. This may be the last time I ever get to experience being "pregnant" and I am milking it. I'm just not ready to give it up yet and possibly have my heart broken.
For these two reasons I'm not planning to test for quite some time. At least that's my plan for today... I could totally change my mind tomorrow but I hope I don't. I explained all of this to the hubs and he agreed that we should wait as long as possible. Therefore, to my impatient followers (mmmhhhmmm Julie - I'm talking to you), I implore you to let me remain selfish a little longer.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Yesterday was a pretty stressful day because one of the injection sites started swelling and turned bright red. I called the nurse and she wanted me to come in ASAP so that if it was an infection they could treat me quickly before I start producing antibodies. Antibodies will try to attack the implanting embryos so we don't want an abundance of them floating around. So I was nervous and a bit stressed for a good bit of the day. But the nurse that it looked like the skin was just irritated and everything is fine. Thank goodness!
This is what the totsicles look like right now hopefully! Snuggling into the lining.
Mom and Dad Z are back from their vacation to Greece! I'm so thankful they had a safe trip. Mom Z said that she stopped in a lot of monasteries and put my name on the prayer list. So Greece is on board! It's amazing that the totsicles are being prayed for internationally!
I've decided to take a test on Labor Day. Won't that be neat to find out I'm pregnant on Labor Day?
Countdown.... 10 days!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Update on John - We can't forget the Daddy! He's so sweet! He puts his mouth to my belly and urges them to do whatever it is they're supposed to do that day. This morning as I was leaving he kissed my belly and whispered "produce those enzymes babies!"
Several people have asked what to call the embies now since they're not really snowbabies anymore. I've been calling them totsicles because I call Lexi the pupsicle all the time. But you guys can call them whatever your heart desires.
Last but certainly not least an update on Tristan - She is in volleyball now and loving it. She's a starter which is no surprise to all who know her! She's such an athlete! Last night they won the game with her winning serve! Go Tristan!!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
John and I both took off work the whole day. I woke up and started cleaning with all of my nervous energy. At about 10am I took the Va.lium and tried to do some meditation and visualizations. I cried and prayed and left it with God. John pulled the car around and we were off to the hospital. He held my hand the entire way there (that never happens.) We're not much for talking about serious stuff so that one little gesture let me know that he was just as nervous and excited as I was. We got there a few minutes early (we were excited) and had to wait for a bit. When we got back to the room I realized that I was supposed to have a full bladder. The nurse quickly made me chug a 20 oz water and hope that I would be ready by the time I got in the surgical room. She gave me a teddy bear and I also had my snowbaby that Stacey gave me. Here's a picture before the transfer.
Unfortunately, I wasn't ready when we got back there. We had to wait another 30 minutes for my bladder to finally be full enough for transfer. Dr. H came in and told me that the embryos looked fabulous. She performed the transfer and then we all held hands and prayed. Here's my first pregnant picture!
We got home and John made me this delicious salad (I got the idea from Urban Standard Cafe). It's called the Superfoods salad. It has spinach, blueberries, strawberries, cucumber, avocado, walnuts and feta cheese. I'll be eating this salad for the next two weeks for sure!
These two weeks are probably going to be the longest two weeks ever! Try to keep me entertained if you see me! :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thank you so much to all of my prayer warriors! John and I have received numerous emails, texts and comments of encouragement. You guys mean so much to us. I think I'll write down all of these comments and show them to my child(ren) one day. Can you imagine knowing that so many people were praying for you before you were even born?
I'm just lying around today and taking it easy. I'm trying not to stress about percentages and chances of conception. It's up to God whether these little embies stick and grow into healthy babies.
Monday, August 23, 2010
We won't find out until we get there tomorrow if the embies survived the thaw. Even if both of them survive there's only a 35% chance one will stick. That's a 65% chance that I will have a negative pregnancy test in two weeks. I've tried to imagine that moment. The moment we get the news whether it worked or not... and it makes me want to vomit. The thought that I went through ALL of this and got NOTHING out of it....
Positive thoughts! Positive thoughts!
Dr. H called me in a Va.lium for tonight and tomorrow. I've never had one before but I hope it will help with my nerves.
I'll update tomorrow with the all of the transfer details. Please pray in the morning that the embies survive the thaw and then please pray at around lunch that they're nestling into my womb. I'll be off all day tomorrow and then go back to work on Wed. Hopefully I can stay calm, cool and relaxed... maybe pray for that too!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
White, pink and black wedding to be exact!
We stayed in cabins on the lake Friday night. This is John, Josh, Jess and Emma hanging out on the pier. We want to plan a weekend getaway here.
PS - Did you notice the voluminous hair I was sporting courtesy of Rach? I kept telling her that my hair doesn't do volume but she proved me wrong.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Last night I had Supper Club and we had a great time... as always! I was in charge of dessert and brought baby bites in honor of my little totsicles. If you haven't tried these they're from Pastry Art and are heavenly!
We're leaving tomorrow afternoon headed to Red Bay for my dear friend Leah's wedding. I am so excited for her!
Thanks so much for all of the prayers, kind words and encouragement! I can't believe I am so close to transferring these babies! This has been one long and bumpy road but hopefully there will be a victory at the finish line.
Stand by for wedding weekend pictures on Sunday!
Love you guys!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I am so excited! I can finally see the light at the end of tunnel!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
My appt is at 7am again tomorrow and if my lining is thick enough they'll draw blood. I should get the results back from the blood work tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully everything will check out and we'll be able to transfer these babies next week!!
A funny story from my mom's party Sat night: As I hugged my uncle he asked, "So when are you going to have a baby?" My Aunt shot him a look and elbowed him saying, "You're not supposed to ask that!" Then she looked at me and said that he hadn't read the post. HAHA. I don't get to talk to my friends and family as much as I would like, so I forget that you guys know so much about me.
Check back tomorrow to see if I finally get the go ahead!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I think she's lying about her age.... she can't be SIXTY!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The nurse called today and said Dr. H would prefer that I take an Estrogen shot Monday to give my lining an even better chance at being ready Wednesday. So Monday I'll add a shot to my 4 estrogen pills! Warning: Don't mess with me Monday!
Friday is my last day off for CWW (compressed work week) and I'm definitely upset about it. Why can't it be year around?? I guess I'm lucky that I got it for the summer but I'm still bummed. I'll have to really enjoy this last day!!!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Also, I got hit with some very bad news while I was there. My company switched insurance from BCBS to Viva. It didn't cover a dime! I had to pay $300 today! And I'll have to pay even more next time if I'm ready b/c they'll do bloodwork too! I think the culmination of my resistant body, my terrible insurance and the hormones did me in this morning. I started crying as soon as I left the doctor's office and haven't stopped. It's a good thing people can only see my back when they walk by my desk. I'm just so tired of this... CRAP! (I really want to use another word but will refrain.) Please say another prayer that my next appt will go better because I don't think I can take this again!
See below for my post earlier today about my Mom.
In so many different ways.
You make me feel important
With encouragement and praise.
To comfort and to care.
I know I'm in your thoughts;
Your love follows me everywhere.
And given so generously.
I love you, my wonderful mother;
You're a heaven-sent blessing to me.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I had a great time at LL's party too! There's nothing like a good Girl's Night Out to lift your spirits!
PS - Did you notice my darker hair? LL didn't so maybe it's still not dark enough. What do you think?
Friday, August 6, 2010
I decided it's time to start collecting on that list of demands I conjured up while looking for a job! Tomorrow I'm getting a pedicure and an hour massage. I'm going to be a pampered princess! Then tomorrow night I'm going to LL's lingerie and bachelorette party! It's going to be one girly day and I am super excited about it! I can't wait to see my girls!
Cheers to pampering and girl time!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
BTW - Our neighbor has a key to the house and that's why there was a lasagna waiting for us in the fridge. She and her two daughters come over and walk Lexi several days per week too. Such a good neighbor. If anyone else volunteers to put food in our fridge... I'll gladly give you a key too! :)
Monday, August 2, 2010
Also, this weekend we bought a new sofa! The other one we had wasn't large enough. Our neighbor came over to help John move it. While that was happening I was talking to the wife and it somehow came up that I would be eating cereal for dinner. I do this quite often and don't think anything about it. It must have really bothered her though because when I got home today there was a lasagna in my fridge. She said she made way too much and wanted us to have it. It was quite tasty too! I guess I should start cooking more often so she won't think we're so deprived.
Fertility News: My appt is now for Tuesday, Aug 10th. (My mom's B'day!) Hopefully I can give her some good news.