Saturday, August 28, 2010

4dp5dt

4dp5dt and all is well. I was a little queasy yesterday and got excited that it might be a pregnancy symptom; however, I remembered that with past cycles I had this well. So it's probably just the progesterone playing with my body. Darn these hormones!

Also, as many of you know, I'm a pee-on-a-stickaholic. Or at least I WAS... I've been scared straight! Lots of people are telling me that I could test positive as early as tomorrow. Normally this would send me blazing to the drug store for some tests but this time is different for two reasons:

1. Fear. I could almost hyperventilate right now just thinking about taking a test and it being negative. I could try to prepare myself with thoughts that it's still really early and it doesn't mean that it definitely didn't work. But I know as soon as I saw that stark white space where a line should be that I would be devastated. No matter how much I prepared myself. So I want to wait until I'm absolutely certain that if it's negative.... it's negative. I can start grieving and not be in limbo.

2. Selfishness. In my mind I am pregnant until proven otherwise. I know that technically my doctor would say that I'm not pregnant until I get a positive test but in my mind I'm pregnant. I rub my belly and talk to the babies. I ask John to do things that the babies want no less than 100 times per day. I'll say that the babies want some ice cream or the babies need a hug. And he happily jumps to their every need. This may be the last time I ever get to experience being "pregnant" and I am milking it. I'm just not ready to give it up yet and possibly have my heart broken.

For these two reasons I'm not planning to test for quite some time. At least that's my plan for today... I could totally change my mind tomorrow but I hope I don't. I explained all of this to the hubs and he agreed that we should wait as long as possible. Therefore, to my impatient followers (mmmhhhmmm Julie - I'm talking to you), I implore you to let me remain selfish a little longer.

xxoo

3 comments:

  1. Understood! Milk it for as long as you can, and hopefully for 9 months!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jaime, I hope you get to enjoy every moment of pregnancy. dig babies, dig!!!

    ReplyDelete
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