Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Softball Pics

Tristan had her first softball tournament with her new team this weekend. They came in 1st place so we're really excited about the new team this year! Here are a few pics...
A couple of people have asked about our appt with Dr. H that was supposed to be yesterday. Sorry! I forgot to inform you that we moved it to Oct 12th because John had to come home to check on Bella at lunch. That also gives us a little more time to think about what we should ask her.

Speaking of Bella... John was pretty sad last night but he's doing much better today. He got an email from Bella's new mom and she said that she did really well last night. Today they took her for a long walk around the neighborhood, took her to Lowe's and just plain adored her all day. She's in a wonderful home!

xxoo

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

One Dog Household

We placed Bella with a sweet, retired couple tonight. John was so sad to see her go. I almost cried for him. Guess who wasn't sad to see her go...


We took Bella over there at around 7 and spent about an hour with them. We wanted to make sure they were a good fit. They had a 14 year old Westie who passed away two years ago and they just recently felt ready to adopt. They both seemed fit and said they had no problem taking her for long walks every day. I think she'll be happy at her new home!

xxoo

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Our Foster Dog

Look what the hubs found while working at a Habitat for Humanity event.


We were going to try to keep her but Lexi is way to aggressive towards her. She is a 19lb Westie and is approx 2-4 years old. If you know anyone who would like a sweet doggie let me know.

xxoo

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Volleyball

Finally some volleyball pictures...




Doesn't she look all grown up!!

(Sorry about the picture quality. I blame it on the photographer!!)

xxoo

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Guess Who I Visited Tonight!


My sweet, beautiful goddaughter!!


And her mother. I love the Durr girls!

xxoo

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Compost

In case you thought I gave up on the composting.... I haven't. Although, I'm not really sure what to do with it in the winter. It needs to be warm to decompose. I guess I won't need to worry about that for a while though since it was still 100 degrees when I left work today. Seriously, it's almost October!!

Congratulations to Rob and Michelle on the arrival of their son, Charlie!! What a cutie!!

xxoo

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Some Insight

My Great Aunt Ann sent me an email to shed a little light on my creepy crawler. She said they called them tobacco worms growing up because they fed primarily on tobacco plants. They also love tomato and pepper plants. They used to break them in half to kill them... ewwww.
Even more ewwww.... they used to make bets and if you lost the bet you had to bite a tobacco worm in half! I would hate to lose a bet I made with her!
Thanks for the info Aunt Ann!

Tristan and Alabama did well at their games yesterday! John has a soccer game this afternoon. I think I need to pick up a sport... I feel out of the loop!

xxoo

Friday, September 17, 2010

Creepy Crawlies

Julie brought it to my attention that I haven't posted this week. Well... I guess I just needed a small break. I've been really busy at work and my nights have been filled with girl time and hubby time. Also, I used to have something to talk about every day and now it's just the ramblings of my life. They're not nearly as interesting as my IVF drama but I'll try to keep you entertained.

On to the title of my post: Creepy Crawlies! We have been attacked by a plethora of icky bugs this week. We started the week finding two scorpions in the house. Then I was attacked leaving Jessica's house by no less than a gazillion roaches. Also this week we found two of the below hanging out on my jalapeno bush.


I don't know what this is but there appears to be a stinger on its butt! Have you ever heard of a caterpillar with a stinger? Not me!

I have an ethical dilemma each time I am faced with a creepy crawler. My scaredy cat side wants it to be dead. However, my mooshy heart wants it to scurry away without harm. So many days around our house, John is reluctantly trying to coax a spider, beetle, or some other bug on to a piece of paper to tote it outside and set it free. Or I am fanning a broom at a wasp trying to urge it to the door. It just breaks my heart seeing them bang into the window over, and over, and over again. All they want to do is get outside!! (BTW - I do know that this is not normal brain activity and that I WAY over analyze things but it's part of what makes me... me.)

Sports news: Tristan has her first volleyball tournament tomorrow. She's had after school games but this is the first actual tournament. I know she'll do well!!
Also, Alabama is playing Duke tomorrow! Roll Tide! We're undefeated so far so let's keep it going!

xxoo

Monday, September 13, 2010

Looking Forward

As you may have been able to tell from yesterday's post, the Hubs and I are looking forward. We're slowly getting back to our normal lives... laughing... loving.... living. I bought several new workout outfits yesterday and can't wait to start back with my fitness routine. I always feel so much better when I'm working out. The Hubs got back to enjoying his softball and soccer mens leagues. We're slowly becoming us again.

We have an appointment with Dr. H Sept 28th to discuss our IVF cycle. I'm not sure what she can tell me that I don't already know. I know that Lovenox isn't a 100% cure for my blood clotting issues and immune disorder. I also know that as many as half of all pregnancies end due to a chemical pregnancy. It's just that most women don't know it. They get their period either on time or a couple of days late. Most normal women wait until they're about a week late to test so they never even knew they were pregnant. However, I'm not the normal woman.

We've decided to wait until our discussion with Dr. H to make any fertility decisions. I can't even begin to think about trying again when the pain is still so fresh. We just want to enjoy the next couple of weeks HORMONE FREE!! Yay!

xxoo

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Roll Tide!

This weekend we went to Tuscaloosa to tailgate for the Alabama vs. Penn State game. ESPN Gameday was there and the hubs really wanted to get his sign on TV.


It was about a million degrees outside but thankfully my cousin had a tent set up with a fan. Here she is with her adorable son. Look at this pacifier! Too funny!



We had a great time and it didn't hurt that Alabama rolled over Penn State 24-3! Roll Tide!!


It was a bittersweet day since it was also the anniversary of the NYC tragedy. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the families who lost loved ones.

xxoo

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Better Day

I had a pretty good day today. I didn't cry at all so I decided to call Julie (sister) on the way home. We talked about it a little and she told me how hard it was to obey my "rules" of giving us some space to mourn privately. She has struggled with infertility and losses as well so she knows my pain.

I was doing so well until I got home and had a package in the mail. It was this:


Dr. H and her staff are so thoughtful. I've been struggling with why this loss is hurting so much. I mean I was only pregnant a week! After reading a little bit of the book she sent me, I realized that I'm mourning the loss of my snowbabies! My totsicles! I've been praying for them since March 31st when they were removed from my body and fertilized. I have smiled at the picture of them that has been on our refrigerator; I have prayed for them; I have imagined the day that they would finally be transferred and become our babies for the past FIVE months! Yes I was only pregnant for a week but it seems like so much longer! I became their mother in March and now they're gone. My body rejected them and I don't even know why. They're just gone.

Now that I know why I'm so upset I feel like I'm starting the healing process. I know my pain will ease with time... it's already much better than Tuesday. I still don't want to talk about it but would love to hear from all of you about your lives! I feel like the world has revolved around my reproductive organs this entire year!

On to better news: Saturday is Alabama vs. Penn State! Roll Tide!!

Cheers to better days!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What To Say

I think that's the question on everyone's mind... including my own. And my poor husband's. When I called to tell him yesterday he said, "Are you ok? Well of course you're not ok... Is there anything you need? I mean, can I..." long silence... "I'm sorry." He's so sweet. He came home and stared at me most of the night. I don't know if he thought I was going to spontaneously combust if he took his eyes off me but I finally had to tell him to stop it. I'm sure I looked beautiful with mascara running down my red, puffy face. Especially since the progesterone is breaking out my skin like a prepubescent teenager. Lovely.

If you're wondering how I was able to post at 3:30 it's because I had to leave work early. My plan of throwing myself into work went out the window when I was still waiting for a phone call at 2pm. The pressure built up and I ended up having a good, long cry in the bathroom. I pulled myself together long enough (or so I thought) to go ask my bosses if I could leave early. I got out one word and started crying again... How embarrassing! I hate to cry in front of people! I usually won't even let John see me cry and here I am sobbing like a hot mess in my boss's office. (Camilla & Emily - If you guys are still reading I'm sorry about that!) They are both ladies (around my age) and were great about it. At least I didn't have to cry in front of a man! I couldn't show my face again!

As for today: The sun came up, the world kept spinning, and I got back to my routine. The more I think about it the happier I am about the fact that I actually got pregnant. I haven't been pregnant since December 2008 and I was beginning to wonder if it would ever happen again. Even though it didn't last long, it was a wonderful experience that I don't regret. I think it would have been even worse to go through all of that and not even get the excitement of a positive pregnancy test! So I'm trying to have a better outlook and be thankful for the things I do have.

Thank you so much for the beautiful and thoughtful words to all who posted. And thanks to the people who didn't post because you just didn't know what to say... We know you were thinking of us. There are no words to make us feel better or to take the hurt away but I know with time it will subside. For now I don't want to talk about it. I have no idea why my brain is okay with writing about it but my mouth can't seem to spit out a sentence. It's weird. So if you see us or call us (please do by the way) keep it normal. We're just regular people trying to return to our normal lives.

We love you guys!!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

3 Pregnancies = No Babies

It is with a very sad heart that I announce that this pregnancy is over. My beta dropped to 23 so I was told to stop all medications.

We're ok. I'm kind of glad I researched a little bit so I could start preparing myself. I think John's taking it a little harder than I am... I'm pretty numb.

I feel terrible for dragging all of you through this. My intentions were that if it worked you would be as excited and thrilled as us because you knew how hard it was. And if it didn't work then you would understand why we may decide to stop trying. If you didn't ride every wave with us and go through every gut wrenching fall then you might not get it. You might think, "Well they only tried one IVF. Maybe they just don't want a baby enough if they won't try another one." Since you took this journey with us you now know that it was 6 months of torture! It was injections, illness, a hospitalization, mountain top highs and devastating lows. Not to mention that we paid over $10,000 to do it! Just for an ATTEMPT to do something most women can do without a problem. It's not fair! I don't know if I can go through all of this again for an ATTEMPT!

You guys have been there every step of the way and we thank you so much for that! If anything came out of this experience it's the knowledge of how much John and I are loved. I know without a doubt that I can call on so many people who will drop everything to be there for me. Fortunately for you guys, John and I are both very internal people. We just want to mourn privately and move on.

Thank you so much for all of the prayers, thoughts and love!

xxoo

Still Waiting

Maybe Dr. H is going to call me herself...

I just didn't want you guys to think that it was definitely bad news since there wasn't a post yet. Still waiting.... tick.... tock....

Monday, September 6, 2010

I don't know

The line is still really faint. If I was progressing the way I should be, there should be a nice, dark line by now. The Hubs isn't ready to give up and keeps telling me that as long as there is a line, I'm pregnant. Until the doctor tells him otherwise or there is absolutely no line... he's not giving up.
I guess I should feel the same way but it's hard.

If the news is bad tomorrow I won't post until I get home from work. If it's good then I'll get my guest blogger, Julie, to update everybody. I should get the news by lunch so check in around 1 pm and if there's no post... you know.

If you don't see anything by the afternoon please don't send me emails and texts telling me how sorry you are. I know you guys love us and are hoping and praying for the best but I can't be upset all day long. I just have to throw myself into the job and break down when I get home.

xxoo

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Step Away From Google

I made the mistake of googling low betas and found that 90% end in either miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy. hmmmm. That's not very comforting. MOST betas I found at 9dp5dt were around 100. YIKES! There are the few success stories that I'm holding on to but the overwhelming majority of information is not good.

The beta should double about every 48 hours. That means today it should be around 80, on Monday it should be around 160 and Tuesday it should be around 240. I bought another test this morning and John and I decided we will take one Monday. If the line is pretty dark then we'll celebrate. If the line is light or not there then we'll know it was a chemical pregnancy and we can mourn together. We don't want to find out bad news in the middle of a work day; alone. So that's the plan and, of course, I'll let you know the results Monday morning.

On to something that I know for sure is good: Alabama Football! Our season starts tonight and we are pumped about it. We're going to watch the game on a projection screen in our neighbors' back yard. It's going to be an Alabama block party! How fun! I'm making some guacamole and brownies... yum! Roll Tide!

xxoo

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Pregnant*

First let me thank Julie for updating you guys so you didn't have to wait until 6pm to get the results. However, she painted a much rosier picture than I would have painted.

Here's the story:
While I was getting my blood drawn I asked the nurse what an "acceptable" beta would be. She said... "Anything above 5 is pregnant but between 5 and 20 is not very good and may indicate a chemical pregnancy." I just knew my number was going to be below 20 so I was pretty down. Then she said, "They want to see above 50." So I asked what happens if it's between 20 and 50. She said that it could be fine but they're still cautious.

I left the office scared, nervous and feeling pretty down about my chances. God didn't give up on me though. I got a call from the IVF nurse and she said my beta was 38.5. I had this sequence of emotions in about 1 second... relieved, thrilled, shock, wait a minute that's not 50, nervousness, fear. I told her I couldn't wait until Thursday, which is when she wanted me to come back, so we settled on Tuesday. I asked her if she was disappointed by my number and she said it was fine and not to worry. Hmmmm. Fine. I don't like Fine. I wanted to hear Great, Fabulous, Wonderful but I got Fine. But fine is better than not fine.

I called John and he was happy but not quite as excited as I wanted him to be. I can understand though. We've been here twice before. Our two previous pregnancies=no babies. I think that's why I'm remaining so guarded right now too. I am thrilled but cautious.

So that's the real story. I can't remove the asterisk from pregnant yet but hopefully I will be able to Tuesday.

Thank you guys so much for all of the prayers! I can't believe the overwhelming love and support that has flooded me over the past few days! I praise the Lord for our good news today and I praise Him for all of you!

xxoo

Excellent News!

Hello All,

This is Julie Jaime's sister. We have such good news that she asked me to update everyone as she can't post from work. (She thought it would be terrible for all of you to have to wait any longer.)

PREGNANT! CONFIRMED! PREGNANT!

HCG 38.5

Best news ever! Jaime is over the moon with excitement but is of course still cautiously nervous. She couldn't talk the nurse into letting her go in to get a follow up blood test until Tuesday. She just will feel much better when she has a second number that is going up! We all know that will be the case and the nurse reassured her that everything is fine and that was a great number. I reminded her "Pregnant til proven otherwise" Those babies were A+ quality and there is no reason that they are not snuggling in for a long happy stay.

She also wanted to thanks all of her Prayer Warriors! And we all ask that you keep praying any chance that you get. Thank you for all of your support. She might not have been able to stay so strong without all of her friends and family.

I am sure she will post after work so check back tonight to hear from her direct!

Congrats Jaime! WE ALL LOVE YOU!... and JOHN TOO!... and the BABIES TOO!

As If You Haven't Been Praying Enough

...We need more prayers.

John and I decided we wanted to find out together so I took two tests this morning. I took a digital one that reads either "pregnant" or "not pregnant" and got this:

Yay! Jump for joy! Until we looked at the lined test and didn't see anything. After a long time a VERY faint line appeared. I tried to explain to John that it meant my hcg will be very low today. They want it to be between 50 and 100 to indicate a viable pregnancy and with a line like that I could see it being 20 or less. If it's that low it could mean a chemical pregnancy which is when the baby implants and starts to dig, but then arrests. So I would get a small amount of hcg but then it would go down to zero over the next few days. Please pray that we get a good number today!

I don't know what tomorrow, next week or next month will bring but as for this minute in time I'm Pregnant*

Hopefully later today I can take the asterisk off the end of that beautiful word!

xxoo

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

8dp5dt

One more day until the blood test! One.More.Day! Yikes. It could be all over tomorrow or the best news of my life. No in between.

I'm still spotting on and off a little and feel like mother nature will show any second... but she still hasn't yet. Praying... Praying...Praying!

xxoo

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