Tuesday, September 7, 2010

3 Pregnancies = No Babies

It is with a very sad heart that I announce that this pregnancy is over. My beta dropped to 23 so I was told to stop all medications.

We're ok. I'm kind of glad I researched a little bit so I could start preparing myself. I think John's taking it a little harder than I am... I'm pretty numb.

I feel terrible for dragging all of you through this. My intentions were that if it worked you would be as excited and thrilled as us because you knew how hard it was. And if it didn't work then you would understand why we may decide to stop trying. If you didn't ride every wave with us and go through every gut wrenching fall then you might not get it. You might think, "Well they only tried one IVF. Maybe they just don't want a baby enough if they won't try another one." Since you took this journey with us you now know that it was 6 months of torture! It was injections, illness, a hospitalization, mountain top highs and devastating lows. Not to mention that we paid over $10,000 to do it! Just for an ATTEMPT to do something most women can do without a problem. It's not fair! I don't know if I can go through all of this again for an ATTEMPT!

You guys have been there every step of the way and we thank you so much for that! If anything came out of this experience it's the knowledge of how much John and I are loved. I know without a doubt that I can call on so many people who will drop everything to be there for me. Fortunately for you guys, John and I are both very internal people. We just want to mourn privately and move on.

Thank you so much for all of the prayers, thoughts and love!

xxoo

8 comments:

  1. oh no! i'm so very sad for you guys. you know i completely understand where you are at the moment. actually, we're in the same spot. take all the time you need to deal with your grief. i hope you are able to fulfill your dreams of becoming parents one day very soon. follow along my IVF#2 journey. i am confident (being the optimist that i am) that i will tempt you with my success.

    huge hugs. xo.

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  2. There are no words that can help you through your grief right now, but just know that you don't grieve alone. You truly did open your heart on this blog, and I've felt your joys, frustrations, and sadness like I felt my own. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you and John.

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  3. I have had this page open for 20 minutes trying to find the words. There are none. NONE!

    Phillip and I feel your and John's pain and I cannot express my sorrow for you. It brings back a rush of emotion that is hard for me as well. I am here for you.

    Please always remember that God has a divine plan and no matter how hard the path may be he will always be with you.

    Footprints in the Sand... One Night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him and the other to the Lord.

    When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

    This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you you'd walk with me all the way, but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

    I love you!

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  4. Jaime, my heart is heavy and broken for you. please know that there are host of people who have never met you but are so dispointed and praying for you now and will continue to do so. you are precious person and people can sense that in your blog through your grief.

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  5. I echo everyone's sentiments above. There are no words other than I am so sorry. You and John are in my prayers.

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  6. I am so very sorry for your loss. I just want to say that the last thing you need to be worrying about is what your readers think. We are not judging you. The energy you have put forth in hope of a miracle is beautiful. It is completely understandable if you cannot proceed through the whole process again.

    You are loved. You are prayed for. Do not blame yourself. Do not. Please take plenty of time to mourn with your husband. There are no decisions that need to be made right now. Heal. Just be.

    -Jess
    http://bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com/

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  7. I was like Julie yesterday just sitting here with tears in my eyes hurting for you and John not knowing what to say. I know the hurt and it does heal with time and prayer. I love the footprints in the sand because it does remind us that we are never alone. Yes take this time for you and John to heal. God does have a plan for you and John. I look back at our journey and see His plan unfold for Chad and I.

    Love ya
    Candace

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