Thursday, September 9, 2010

Better Day

I had a pretty good day today. I didn't cry at all so I decided to call Julie (sister) on the way home. We talked about it a little and she told me how hard it was to obey my "rules" of giving us some space to mourn privately. She has struggled with infertility and losses as well so she knows my pain.

I was doing so well until I got home and had a package in the mail. It was this:

Dr. H and her staff are so thoughtful. I've been struggling with why this loss is hurting so much. I mean I was only pregnant a week! After reading a little bit of the book she sent me, I realized that I'm mourning the loss of my snowbabies! My totsicles! I've been praying for them since March 31st when they were removed from my body and fertilized. I have smiled at the picture of them that has been on our refrigerator; I have prayed for them; I have imagined the day that they would finally be transferred and become our babies for the past FIVE months! Yes I was only pregnant for a week but it seems like so much longer! I became their mother in March and now they're gone. My body rejected them and I don't even know why. They're just gone.

Now that I know why I'm so upset I feel like I'm starting the healing process. I know my pain will ease with time... it's already much better than Tuesday. I still don't want to talk about it but would love to hear from all of you about your lives! I feel like the world has revolved around my reproductive organs this entire year!

On to better news: Saturday is Alabama vs. Penn State! Roll Tide!!

Cheers to better days!!


  1. Indeed that was a sweet gift and a nice way to honor the memory of your snowbabies. I still rifle through my drawer just to see the positive tests from all of mine. I sometimes wonder why I haven't been able to throw them away, but then realize that I want to hold on to the memories... good and bad. Grieving is a process that has no time table or right or wrong way, so take care of yourself and John and we will all be here for you. We love you!

  2. I was also in awe how ART cares for patients who have survived a loss. I still have my little lamb, and I'll admit...reading the card in your picture brought tears to my eyes again. I'd like to recommend a book that my sister bought for me. "Grieving the Child I never Knew" It's a devotional, and I've found it helpful in my grieving process.

  3. Take care. That was so nice of them to send that gift in the mail. What a sweet lamb. Take care of yourself. Hugs!

  4. omg, that is so sweet! still sucks that you're in a position where they had to send that. i'm sorry. hang in there. treat yourself to something awesome this weekend. ((hugs))

  5. That is so sweet. Cheers to brighter days ahead.



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