I had a pretty good day today. I didn't cry at all so I decided to call Julie (sister) on the way home. We talked about it a little and she told me how hard it was to obey my "rules" of giving us some space to mourn privately. She has struggled with infertility and losses as well so she knows my pain.
I was doing so well until I got home and had a package in the mail. It was this:
Dr. H and her staff are so thoughtful. I've been struggling with why this loss is hurting so much. I mean I was only pregnant a week! After reading a little bit of the book she sent me, I realized that I'm mourning the loss of my snowbabies! My totsicles! I've been praying for them since March 31st when they were removed from my body and fertilized. I have smiled at the picture of them that has been on our refrigerator; I have prayed for them; I have imagined the day that they would finally be transferred and become our babies for the past FIVE months! Yes I was only pregnant for a week but it seems like so much longer! I became their mother in March and now they're gone. My body rejected them and I don't even know why. They're just gone.
Now that I know why I'm so upset I feel like I'm starting the healing process. I know my pain will ease with time... it's already much better than Tuesday. I still don't want to talk about it but would love to hear from all of you about your lives! I feel like the world has revolved around my reproductive organs this entire year!
On to better news: Saturday is Alabama vs. Penn State! Roll Tide!!
Cheers to better days!!