Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My non-telepathic husband

In hindsight I suppose I should have discussed with my husband why I was crying so much last week. I overestimated his ability to telepathically reach into my brain and know why I was hurting. He thought I was just down about the cycle and infertility in general. He didn't realize I was letting go. So the other night we were having a discussion about adoption and foster care. He finally stopped me and said, "Why are you talking like that?" I replied, "Like what?" And he said, "Like we have no other options." I said, "What other options are there?" He glared at me for a long time and finally told me that he's not ready to give up. I wasn't prepared for that. Of course I will continue for as long as it takes him to get ready. He would do the same for me if he was ready to give up but I wasn't. I had already planned to do one last cycle to give that right ovary one more shot but I'm just not fully vested in it. I can tell John is. Regardless... we're starting another cycle at the end of June. I can't promise that I will be pumped and optimistic about it but I'll give it another try. The hormones and needles aren't so bad; it's the roller coaster of emotions that gets me. I'm going to try really hard not to get swept away this time. I'll just take my meds, go to my appointments and try to relax.


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