Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Not Pregnant

Those were the words I got when I broke down and took a test. I was prepared for the false positive. I told myself I wouldn't get too excited if it said pregnant. But I HAD to know. WELL - I didn't need to worry about that false positive. I got a big fat "Not Pregnant". Those digital tests should read "it's not your time yet" or "maybe next cycle" or something else other than "Not Pregnant." I guess they want to be very clear.

I was kind of numb. I didn't cry. I didn't get mad. I just thought, "of course I'm not pregnant." I didn't get upset until I had to tell John. He overreacted and yelled, "Don't those moron doctors know what they're doing? Do they ever get anybody pregnant?" He was so upset. I responded, "Yes they get people pregnant... just not me" and I left. I cried all the way to work. I knew he was upset and it was my fault. The doctors didn't fail us... my body did. I know that getting angry and wanting to blame someone is his way of dealing with the pain and I don't fault him for it. I internalize and he get's mad. Whatever works. I just feel so terrible because I know that it's my stupid body that's causing all of the pain! And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

So... I don't want to talk about it. I don't need anything.... except for life to carry on as usual. Thank you so much for all of your positive thoughts and prayers. I love you all so much!

On to better news! Today is my nephew's birthday! Happy Birthday Mark!

xxoo

3 comments:

  1. so sorry for the disappointing news:( how frustrating and emotional it can be. praying!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shout it louder, Or go out and reach others who have not heard of it .it is real Dr climent HERBAL Center is really doing a great works within and outside just try it and you will testify just as i am testifying now, i have this infection that lead to womb blockage and there was no hope at all the hospital i went said nothing but that there on hope for 4 years that i have waited no child then i came across Dr climent HERBAL Center now and he is a wonderful native herbalist who told me he can do it but i was scared because i have not take anything drugs natural before but since i had no child i have to comply with the rules and regulation and now am carrying my child just try it and see your time to celebrate has come . you can reach Dr climent HERBAL Center via email : drclimentscott@gmail.com +2347036879479 +2347036879479 drclimentscott@gmail.com +2347036879479 +2347036879479

    ReplyDelete


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