Tuesday, December 29, 2015

The Good Stuff

The past 10 months had some bumps in the road BUT there were a LOT of good times! We spent a wonderful summer together as a family.  We took trips to the beach, pretty much lived at the pool and spent lots of quality time with friends and family.

Christian has grown before our eyes from a toddler to a strong boy.  He is seriously the sweetest and most caring child.  He likes to wrestle, work out and play with dad. He has realized that Dad is pretty cool. He says he wants to help people when he grows up.  I asked if he wants to be a policeman so he can fight the bad guys and he said, "No. I want to be just like my dad. What does he do again?"  I could just eat him up. He is still a Mama's boy too though.  While I have been healing from surgery he has doted and loved on me.  I'm not saying there aren't normal three year old hard times but they are pretty rare.

Perfectly shows his personality. He walked down Christmas morning and pointed at his Santa presents saying, "for me?"
He got drums from Granna & Pop
On Christmas Day he made three wishes into a fountain:
1. For a baby brother
2. For Dad to get a real dagger
3. For Mommy to feel all better

Which leads me to our next adventure... John and I have decided to adopt another baby!  I always knew I wanted another child but I thought we would adopt an older child. When I get pregnant this summer and then lost the baby it made me realize I want another baby.  And Christian has been talking about a baby brother for years.  Hopefully he'll be ok if it turns out to be a baby sister. 
We started the homestudy process in October and should be done by the end of February.  After that we'll just wait for a lovely lady to pick us to raise her child. The agency says it could be anywhere from 6 months to four years.

I also got some great news just today.  My lab results came back for the irregular cells in my bladder. No cancer! Yay!  He said they're due to inflammation.  I have decided to try to follow an anti-inflammatory diet. A lot of my issues seem to point back to inflammation so it can't hurt to try it out. I am very fortunate that I can eat pretty much whatever I want without gaining much weight; however, that doesn't mean I'm healthy.  I LOVE sweets which are the #1 no-no food for inflammation.  This is going to be tough but I need to try to do better so I'm healthy for my boys.

Here's hoping that 2016 will bring us all love and blessings!


Friday, December 11, 2015

So... It's Been A While

I know... I know... I stopped writing.  I'll blame it on a busy life with a 3 year old.  Or I could say that there hasn't been that much going... but that wouldn't be true.  A lot has happened over the past 10 months.  There were some sad, stressful, hard times but many, many more happy times.

Let me start with the most recent.  I had a hysterectomy last Thursday.  I have had a lot of issues throughout my life so my doctor has been trying to get me to do it for years.  I had a hard time with it though.  It was so final.  There was only a 1% chance that I would ever be able to have a baby but at least there was a chance.  Now there is no chance. NONE.

What finally made my decision was, ironically, getting pregnant.  I spontaneously achieved a pregnancy this summer.  John and I were so excited but (of course) scared.  All of my appointments went well at the beginning and everything seemed to be like a text book pregnancy.  It was at around 6 weeks that I went in for an ultrasound.  They were hoping to see a heartbeat but there wasn't one.  And the baby was measuring very small.  They told me not to worry; that the timing could have been off.  But I was sure of my dates.  I went back a week later and there still wasn't a heartbeat.  However, the baby was still growing.  I had to wait another week and then another.  By nine weeks pregnant there was no hope without a heartbeat.  I tried to wait a little longer but my body wouldn't miscarry naturally.  It was hanging on... but there's a risk of leaving dead cells in the uterus. We scheduled a DNC and did genetic testing.  It was a girl with a chromosome abnormality.  She had the same abnormality that our other girl baby had from seven years ago.  The decision was made shortly after that.  I had been terribly sick for weeks and lost half of my summer.  I decided I was done.  Obviously John and I aren't supposed to have children this way and that's ok.  We have a loving, handsome, kind, funny, thoughtful, as close to perfect as you can get little boy.

We grieved our daughter and then made the decision.  Which brings us back to my hysterectomy last Thursday.  It wasn't terrible.  It was a single-site robotic procedure.  They only had to cut my belly button. Amazing! They removed my left ovary, right tube, uterus and cervix. They only left the right ovary so I wouldn't go into immediate menopause.  I also had some endometriosis on my bladder and kidneys.  She cleaned it up and noticed some abnormal cells on my bladder.  I have an appointment later this month with a urologist to see if I need further testing.  She was pretty sure it wasn't cancerous but if left untreated it could possibly turn to cancer.  There was (and still is) some pain but not as bad as I thought it would be.  I was up a little too much yesterday so I was in some pain last night.  John and I went to Christian's school concert today so I was hurting a good bit during/after that too.  As long as I take it easy it's not too bad.

I started with most of the sad stuff that has happened over the past ten months.  My next post will be about the happiness.

Sweet boy is front row center


Sunday, February 8, 2015

3rd Birthday

Christian turned 3 Friday!  THREE!!  How did that happen?  He's also 3 going on 10.  He seems so much older.  He's so sweet and funny and smart and athletic and... perfect.  He's just perfect.

His stats at 3 years old
Height: 40 1/2 inches (96%)
Weight: 35 lbs (80%)
Shoe Size: 10
He's fully potty trained and has been for a while.
He loves everything big boy: power rangers, TMNT, star wars, super heroes

The doctor said that since he's so tall at three it's a pretty good indicator that he'll be tall as an adult.  We also discussed how big his tonsils are and how he snores and has labored breathing when he sleeps.  We've been referred to an ENT and she's pretty sure they'll recommend to remove his tonsils and adenoids.  Poor fella.  I hope this helps his breathing and his sleeping.  He has never been a good sleeper.  She also said they could be the reason his speech is a bit delayed.   He's pretty nasally and doesn't enunciate very well.  He knows words that you wouldn't think a three year would know but he doesn't pronounce them correctly.  His Ks come out as Ts and he drops the S at the beginning of words... Peakers instead of Speakers. I can understand about 90% of what he says but I think strangers might have a hard time.
He was such a big boy at the doctor.  The nurse pricked his finger and he didn't even flinch.  He was so curious about what she was doing.  He just wanted to watch and ask her all about what she was doing and WHY?  That's his word of choice these days... why.

He's a bit too big for his costume but he's still rocking it!

Showing his muscles

His school party.  He picked his little friend, Sophie, to be his sun.

Opening his birthday present at the doctor's office.  He got a power rangers costume.

Picnic in the park

3 weeks and 4 days post PRK - I'm seeing fairly well now.  Sometimes I don't even notice it.  When I went to the doctor last week I was seeing 20/25 in both eyes.  So they're almost there but I'm still on steroid drops.  He said that once I stop those I would get that last little bit of clarity.  That's what I'm missing right now... sharpness.


Saturday, January 31, 2015

2 Weeks Post PRK

Things are going pretty smoothly for the eyes.  They feel great and I only have a little light sensitivity.  I still have a good bit of blurriness though.  I know they are better than they were a week ago but it's slow progress.  I can't wait for clear vision again.  I would say it's a little bit better than before I had the surgery without my glasses.  The weird thing is that before the surgery if I got closer to something I could see it more clearly.  That's not the case right now.  Even if something is really close it's still a little bit blurry.

I have been sick since Tuesday and I'm sure that's not helping my progress.  I had the bright idea of trying the nettipot.  If you are wondering what happens when you pour saline up a completely blocked nostril... the answer is, the water (and mucus) will try to come out of your tear duct into your eyeball.  It is GROSS and burns.  Don't try it!

C and John are both doing great.  C had this cold a couple of weeks ago but he's much better now.  Some funny things he says nowadays:

We fight about who loves who more.  He'll say, "I love you more! Now that's enough! I don't want to hear another word about it!"  Too cute.
He loves power rangers and karate kicks and chops like they do.
At the park today: He said, "Excuse me little boy" to a 4 year old.  That kid said, "I'm not little, I'm 4!  You're little!"  In Christian's mind he is at least 8.
He is definitely in the "Why" phase.  I hear "Why?" at least 1,000 times/day.
I CANNOT believe he is going to be three next week!

Tristan is doing well too.  She bought her prom dress today.  She starts softball practice for school in two weeks.

My boys

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Days 5 - 7

Day 5 - Went to the doctor to have the contacts removed.  I was still having a lot of irritation, light sensitivity and dryness. It was the first time out of the house since Friday... And out of my dark bedroom during daylight.  I spent most of Saturday and Sunday hissing like a vampire at anyone who opened the door and let in a little sunlight.  I was hoping some of that would be alleviated by removing the contacts.  It was!  I haven't been able to wear contacts for more than an hour EVER so wearing them for 5 days was horrible!  Everything was still really blurry but in a weird way.  If I really tried to focus on something I could see it pretty clearly but I couldn't see anything else clearly.  So my vision tested at 20/25 but there's no way that's what it really is.  It's like opening your eyes under water.

Day 6 - Light sensitivity is better and the irritation is almost completely gone.  Still pretty blurry.  I would say my vision is at about 60%.  I went back to work but had to blow up my monitors and wear sunglasses.  I was a movie star!

Day 7 - One week!  Blurriness is about the same but light sensitivity is much better.  I didn't have to wear sunglasses inside today. Yay!  When I woke up this morning there was about 3 seconds of crystal clearness.  I freaked out thinking I was healed!!  But it didn't last.  Hoping for at least 5 seconds tomorrow. :)

I'll only post every week or two now that we're past the first week.

C was sick Monday with a stomach bug so he stayed home with Granna & Pop Tuesday.  I know they had a great time!  He was back at school today karate chopping bad guys.  He loves some Power Rangers right now.


Sunday, January 18, 2015

Day 4

I must admit that after days 1 & 2 had gone so well I was beginning to get pretty high on myself. I thought I was one tough cookie and this PRK was a piece of cake. That is until day 3 came and punched me in the... well it punched me in the eyes is what it did. I woke up at 2am with fire bursting from eyeballs. What fresh hell is this?!  How had I gone from very little pain to this? Immediately tears started streaming down my face. I wasn't really crying, not voluntarily anyway. I tried using the numbing drops but they just flowed right out with the tears. I then remembered the pain pills I man armed my Dr into giving me. I fumbled to the kitchen and turned on the light. I was blinded by the brightness of a thousand suns and immediately turned it back off. Luckilythey were in a target pharmacy bottle which is very different from the other bottles. After that, tears flowed from my eyes for hours but I think I slept some. The rest of day 3 was spent in my room, curtains drawn and eyes closed.

Day 4 started much better. I woke up and could see quite clearly for about 3 seconds. The light sensitivity is the worst part but I don't feel a ton of pain anymore. Just watering eyes and what feels like an eyelash stuck in there. I have had several other moments of clarity but mostly somewhat blurry. I'm looking forward to having the contacts removed tomorrow. I think they are causing most of the pain.


Day 3

Day 3 started at 2 am when I woke with my eyes on fire.  Thank goodness I man armed my doctor into giving me some pain pills. From 2-5am was pretty horrific. I tried the numbing drops but my eyes were watering so much that it just washed away. I finally got back to sleep around 5 when my eyes had cried out. The pain the rest of the day was not quite as bad but still burning and itching. So I spent most of the day in my dark room with my eyes closed. Everything was blurry and light sensitivity was terrible.

I took an ambien that night and felt a good bit better theis morning.


Day 2

Today has been pretty good.  My eyelids were stuck together when I woke up but I just used a few drops to loosen them up and it's been smooth sailing the rest of the day.  I've had some dry eyes, blurriness and a bit of discomfort but nothing terrible. I've also had a headache all day but that's not unusual.  The worst part is my shoulder hurts from laying around all day.  I basically haven't sat down  since Christian started walking so body is not used to laying around. 

When I went to the doctor this morning he said everything looks great.  The nurses commented about how happy I looked which made me feel like I'm doing better than the average person on day 2.  The doctor also told me that tomorrow would be my worst day and to be prepared.  YIKES.

Christian is so sweet and worried about me.  He read me a book last night and gave me kisses.  So sweet.  He was upset when I told him he couldn't go to the doctor with me.


Friday, January 16, 2015

Day 1 - Surgery Day

Day 1 - PRK Surgery Day

The procedure took place at 9:30am.  My mom and John both went to watch... I had an entourage!  I woke up early (5am) and couldn't go back to sleep.  I was nervous and sappy and having second thoughts.  What if I was one of the few people who have complications?  What if I went blind and never saw my sweet boy or husband's faces again?  We all know that if something weird happens that I'm the one it happens to.  But I put on my big girl underpants, took one last, long look at my son and headed to the doctor.

The procedure - The procedure only lasted about 4 minutes per eye.  The guard they put around the eye was uncomfortable but the procedure itself wasn't too bad.  The normal response when something is about to poke your eye is to avoid it.  So it was CRAZY to see this little brush coming right at me and then see it scraping my eye.  Really, Really Weird!  My mom and John watched.  They said it was pretty gross.  John took a video of one eye but I haven't been able to watch it yet.  Not sure that I want to.  He did show it to C who thought it was super cool.

After the procedure I could see a little better than before but it wasn't crystal clear.  The rest of the day wasn't too bad.  Just some dry eyes, a little burning and light sensitivity.  My vision would go in and out of focus to where sometimes I would see pretty clearly and sometimes it was really blurry.  The eye drops help with the dryness and the blurriness.  It feels amazing when I use the drops so I've been using them about every 10 minutes.  This bliss can only be described as having an "eyegasm." Ha!

I took an Ambien at around 10 and woke up Day 2 feeling pretty darn well.


Wednesday, January 14, 2015


I have decided to have corrective eye surgery... PRK to be exact.  It's a bit different than LASIK.  LASIK cuts a flap in your eye, uses a laser to correct vision and then puts the flap back.  (Excuse me while I gag a second.) PRK completely removes the flap and it has to grow back.  The recovery time is a lot longer with PRK but I'm not a candidate for LASIK.  I'm a bit nervous but also really excited not to wear glasses anymore.

My doctor was pretty nonchalant about the pain and recovery time so I took to Google to set the record straight.  I found a lot of PRK recovery timelines that people blogged about and they really helped me.  I'm one of those people who would rather prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised if it's not so bad.  Unfortunately, most of my doctors have sugar coated my procedures.  Then I'm caught off guard when there's excessive pain or symptoms I wasn't expecting. 

Most of the timelines I read had the same symptoms for the first week post surgery... vision was very blurry, severe dry eyes, burning and stinging and severe light sensitivity.  Then a lot of people had double vision, ghosting, dry eye and halos for up to 3 months post surgery.

Since I have found so much comfort in others timelines I have decided to write my own.  Join me on my journey to clear vision!

Last pic with glasses!

Saturday, January 10, 2015


We had such a great time visiting John's family in Canada.  It had everything a girl could want... quality time with family, a great night out with friends, hockey games, snow, tons of fabulous food and BAKLAVA!  I even learned a new game...Rummoli.

Cutting New Year's Bread
New Year's Bread
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C  wanted to put his arm around Filip so badly



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