Let me start with the most recent. I had a hysterectomy last Thursday. I have had a lot of issues throughout my life so my doctor has been trying to get me to do it for years. I had a hard time with it though. It was so final. There was only a 1% chance that I would ever be able to have a baby but at least there was a chance. Now there is no chance. NONE.
What finally made my decision was, ironically, getting pregnant. I spontaneously achieved a pregnancy this summer. John and I were so excited but (of course) scared. All of my appointments went well at the beginning and everything seemed to be like a text book pregnancy. It was at around 6 weeks that I went in for an ultrasound. They were hoping to see a heartbeat but there wasn't one. And the baby was measuring very small. They told me not to worry; that the timing could have been off. But I was sure of my dates. I went back a week later and there still wasn't a heartbeat. However, the baby was still growing. I had to wait another week and then another. By nine weeks pregnant there was no hope without a heartbeat. I tried to wait a little longer but my body wouldn't miscarry naturally. It was hanging on... but there's a risk of leaving dead cells in the uterus. We scheduled a DNC and did genetic testing. It was a girl with a chromosome abnormality. She had the same abnormality that our other girl baby had from seven years ago. The decision was made shortly after that. I had been terribly sick for weeks and lost half of my summer. I decided I was done. Obviously John and I aren't supposed to have children this way and that's ok. We have a loving, handsome, kind, funny, thoughtful, as close to perfect as you can get little boy.
We grieved our daughter and then made the decision. Which brings us back to my hysterectomy last Thursday. It wasn't terrible. It was a single-site robotic procedure. They only had to cut my belly button. Amazing! They removed my left ovary, right tube, uterus and cervix. They only left the right ovary so I wouldn't go into immediate menopause. I also had some endometriosis on my bladder and kidneys. She cleaned it up and noticed some abnormal cells on my bladder. I have an appointment later this month with a urologist to see if I need further testing. She was pretty sure it wasn't cancerous but if left untreated it could possibly turn to cancer. There was (and still is) some pain but not as bad as I thought it would be. I was up a little too much yesterday so I was in some pain last night. John and I went to Christian's school concert today so I was hurting a good bit during/after that too. As long as I take it easy it's not too bad.
I started with most of the sad stuff that has happened over the past ten months. My next post will be about the happiness.
|Sweet boy is front row center|